Oversized jean anything is still ugly. I promise.

Oh man. New York City has been interesting so far.

First off, I have to say that I was immediately intimidated by the extraordinary fashion and creativity I saw here. This may be strange for people from the city, but at HOME, people go to Starbucks in non-designer, unintentionally haggard-looking sweatpants! It’s crazy, I know.

I will probably harp on the many great and inspirational findings later. Right now, this is something that’s pissing me off.

Everyone knows NYC is full of hipsters. However, I don’t think that means that there are an extraordinary amount of people who are more fashionable or cooler than me. Just a lot of people wearing terrible looking 80s jackets. What is this trend?! Why won’t it stop!?

Fashion, as we know, is cyclical, but it also is strangely predictable. The last 10 years= tacky, the last 20= kitschy, the last 30= cool, the last 40= beautiful, the last 50= glamorous, etc. I can’t remember the others. Should’ve taken better notes in fashion theory.

The point is, you’re not original vintage jean jacket-wearing girl. It’s not fashion, especially if it’s pure imitation. Imitation may be the highest form of flattery, but then think of who you’re flattering. Your MOM’S generation. And what she’s wearing now?Mom jeans and a top from Talbots. BUMMER!

So, because I know that those are from latfh.com, I’ll provide an ACTUAL non-ironic example.

Example A. (taken from “Lookbook” a website that “hypes freshness” based on “fashion consciousness.”

(Since I cant post pictures from the link apparently)

http://lookbook.nu/look/731955-Monday-I-ve-got-Friday-on-my-mind

I must say, I’m a huge fan of vintage, but I think that things need to be mixed, matched, ruffled, torn up, fucked up, tousled, and let loose. That’s when you get creative. Not by watching Paula Abdul videos or wearing your Nintendo shirt from 6th grade. We all loved Duck Hunt, man.

Requiem for a Flare

I can’t take it anymore.

If I see one more girl going out on a Friday night wearing flare jeans, black pumps, and a black halter I’m going to pop a blood vessel. I literally can’t understand where this trend came from, and why women think it flatters them.

In fact, I think the biggest culprit here is flare jeans. The flare. That stupid, awkward opening above an ankle that does what? Nothing for a women’s figure except mainly accentuating her New Balance shoes. There used to be a time when flares were just flares. They served a purpose, they were kept on a boat where no one saw them, they were not considered fashionable. But anytime anything is not considered fashionable, someone else has to come along and try to prove the mainstream wrong. Flare jeans are proof that this is not always a good thing.

As much as I hate these jeans, I can understand a woman throwing an old pair on to paint, do groceries, maybe take them out of the closet to feed your new baby (because the only time frame in which you are able to purchase them should be between 1996 and 1999), but wearing them OUT? As a FASHION STATEMENT? This is unacceptable.

Flare jeans first were worn by sailors in the 1800s, and theories change about the reasons why bottoms were flared, but supposedly it was in order to pull the leg up easily in order to do dirty work. See, that makes sense. What follows does not.

In the 70s, the trend became popular in men’s and women’s fashion in the late 1960s, popularized by the hippie culture (cause aren’t the rebels always more attractive?) and reared its ugly head once again in the 90s, when all things terrible came back full force (don’t even get me started on flower print dresses.)

Next to the t-shirt, they are the one item that almost every person can wear in an equally horrible way.

light-wash destroyed flare+ Abercrombie tshirt+ hoodie= high school cheerleader

dark-wash bedazzled flare + racer stripe leather jacket+ oakleys= middle aged man going through a midlife crisis

dark-wash bedazzled flare + metallic halter + gold earrings + platforms= Rumor on a Friday night

Flare+ granny glasses+ paisley = hipster who secretly loves ABBA.

Bottom line is, it’s terrible. And yes, I know that big bell bottoms will one day come back again, and again, and again, and I will still sit scowling on the T as one of the flare-wearers steps on my foot in her skinny heels.

So consider this a nod to the flare, I’ve TRIED to understand why people continue to wear you, albeit unsuccessfully, and now wish upon you permanent and painful death.

Goodbye.

Sex Work

Well, look what we have here.

Someone realized that hipsters like to look like strippers! Little late to the party, huh, Urban Outfitters? Yeah, there might be some PBR left in the fridge if you’re lucky.

Maybe UO might have figured that jumping on this sexually explicit bandwagon might have been a bit too derogatory? Maybe they figured that people wanted to see the clothes on instead of used as nipple tassels?

HA! We have sexual desires and needs, too!  Don’t think just cause hipsters won’t buy Abercrombie they won’t buy in to the idea that your clothes will get them laid.